If you are recently engaged or want to work on communication in your marriage this post is for you! During the engagement period we often get consumed with planning the wedding day! Then once you tie the knot you realize there is a lot that needs to be discussed. This is why I wrote down 6 questions every christian woman needs to ask before getting married. To help you navigate 6 conversations that my husband and I found to be very foundational for forming our values as a married couple. I hope this post encourages you!
My husband and I made the common mistake of putting too much focus on the wedding day than we did preparing for marriage. We did do premarital counselling and read a book together, but looking back we both wish we prepared for our marriage more! Many of the questions I listed below we personally faced after getting married!
IMPORTANT a marriage will never arrive at a place of perfect. It is in fact completely normal to keep asking these exact same questions over and over again throughout your marriage.
We must understand that we are sinful human beings which means we will always be facing conflict and refining! Praise God, as a Christian we can seek comfort in how sanctifying marriage truly can be! Rest in knowing that through trails God is refining you to be more like Christ. Also know that in my own marriage we have had many of these conversations multiple times in a year and come to different answers.
I truly hope these questions will bless your relationship and help you prepare for a wonderful marriage xo
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6 Questions Every Christian Woman Needs to Ask Before Getting Married
1. What are your core beliefs?
As Christian women it is important to make sure our core beliefs line up with our future husbands. Now I am not saying its necessary to agree on everything, but if you want a strong foundation for your marriage it is important that you agree upon these 2 things:
- What is the Gospel?
- Do you believe in the inerrancy of scripture?
When the foundation marriage is built strongly on Christ it is easier to weather the storms marriage because you are both standing firm in Christ.
2. Where will you live?
Have you discussed where you will be living once married? Will you be moving in with him where he already lives? Will you be renting or buying your own place?
Often times this isn’t top of mind until later in the engagement process, but it is wise to discuss as soon as possible because house hunting while planning a wedding and preparing for your marriage is A LOT! We bought our house the same month as our engagement and both didn’t move in until our wedding night.
3. Do you have debt?
Each share what amount of debt you are in and what the current plan you each have in place for paying it off.
It is important to know the plan for paying it off because you will also gain a sense for how financially responsible your future spouse is.
TIP: during your engagement create a rough budget to pay off your debt when you are married. Make sure you consider every expense you make in a month to the budget.
4. What is your ideal intimacy frequency?
This will often change multiple times in your marriage to reflect the seasons and as you start to know each other more intimately. But it is good to have a rough idea of what you and your future spouse have in mind when it comes to an ideal amount of intimacy.
5. Do you want children?
If you do not agree on this topic, seek older counsel before getting married. This topic can easily become a point of contention in marriage.
If you agree, then you can deepen the discussion and address other important topics in this category like:
- Beliefs around contraception
- Amount of Children
- Will you wait after marriage to grow your family or surrender it to the Lord
6. Do you believe in the biblical roles of husbands and wives?
In our home we believe that scripture is very clear about the biblical roles of husbands and wives. So we abide by Ephesians 5:22-33:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Since abiding we have a clear outline of our roles in our marriage. This has become such a helpful tool in strengthening our relationship with each other and our relationship with God.
CHECK OUT THESE OTHER MARRIAGE POSTS ON THE BLOG
The One Book I Wish I Read Before Marriage
Timothy Keller doesn’t beat around the bush in The Meaning Of Marriage This book covers each of the questions that every Christian women should ask before getting married that I’ve mentioned in this post, but in way more detail and from the perspective of an older + wiser women! I love the practical advice she gives and I honestly refer to this book at least once a month!